Dear John,
Do you know how many moments in my day my mind wanders to you? I don’t speak about each one of them, but they are there.
I glanced at your picture yesterday and I felt my heart drop into my stomach once again. I would give everything to hear your deep voice and chuckle again walking through our door.
Even amidst of healing, you will always have moments of grief. I am definitely learning to live with the grief of you being gone, it isn’t a choice. I know there will always be a piece of sadness in my heart. For losing you. For losing me. For losing us. But I do try to find a little happiness every day. It could be as simple as watering my garden. Playing with the dogs outside. Looking at the grandbabies pictures. Cooking a small meal. Baking. I know that is what you would want me to do. I also have been working on what I want. I know you would be happy about that too. Self-care for me hasn’t come easy. But I work on that every single day.
I also know you are so proud of our family. The kids….gosh, they are so strong. I wish I could hear your voice say how absolutely proud you are of them. They all have been through a lot and really have so much love towards the world and each other. I am so grateful for every single one of them. And the grandbabies. They are the heart of this operation lol. They are so sweet, and I am so glad they are happy. You can see how much they are loved by so many people. It is what you always envisioned for them. You always said love is the key to everything.
I hope you are doing okay up there in the Heavens; I will never stop missing you, but I know you are with me always. If you get a chance today, send us some extra love down here.
Love you forever and then some,
Amy
